The Nordic Menace is Threatening Our Beloved American Holidays

I just found out that the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Parade is now sponsored by IKEA rather than Boscov's.

I suppose it's only a matter of time before our traditional celebrations of Pilgrims and turkeys morph into a bizarre ritual involving allen wrenches and cheap bookcases named FÄRNOT. Until that awful day comes to pass, though, Happy Thanksgiving!