Next Week: Can O.J. Simpson Beat His Murder Charges?

Months after it expanded the veterinary definition of "stable" to include a condition more commonly known as "dead," Parade Magazine once again shows the journalistic chops that you would expect from any publication that includes Bill O'Reilly on the masthead:

Q. In June, Lindsay Lohan signed on for extended care at Promises, a luxury rehab center in Malibu. Isn’t that really just an extended vacation?
—N.B., Washington, D.C.

A. No. Lohan, 21—who abused alcohol, pills and cocaine—seems committed to finally getting clean.

And the punch line, for anyone who has been living in a monastery this past week.